• Guilt

    Date: 2012.02.03 | Category: Baby, Health, Me, Sarah, Work | Tags:

    It’s times like this, after my daughter has been sick week after week, after I’ve caught it and been laid out for three days, and then she catches it again with pink eye in BOTH eyes with fever… that I just want to hold her little coughing body to me, stay in the house and never take her to daycare again. I know it’s building her a killer immune system, but it really doesn’t stop the agony of sick that has been going on for so long.

    The guilt of not being there for her every day is compounded by the guilt of missing so much work to take care of her and myself. I’m torn and frustrated and just want it to get better.

    I love my job. I love what I do, but I hate subjecting her to the sickness and not being there for her.

    I wish there was a way to make it all better.

    We go to the doctor again for the fourth time in three weeks tomorrow. I’m on a first name basis with the lady at the receptionist desk and even the daycare director felt bad when she had to call me about the green goop pouring out of baby girl’s eyes today.

    Working moms tell me it gets better after the first year, but Sarah’s ongoing sick seems excessive (though I know it could always be much much worse). I pray that’s the case, because right now I feel like I’m working to pay co-pays.

    Sorry for the pity party, it’s just been a rough few days/weeks/months with all this.