• What a Relief!

    Date: 2013.02.27 | Category: Baby, Family, Health, Mark, Me, OMG YAY!, Sarah | Tags:

    First let me start off by thanking everyone for their kind words, both publicly and privately, on my last post. It’s amazing to see such a wonderful network of people come together and give words of encouragement.

    I also wanted to add that when people would say things to me, I know now and I knew then that they were not meant to hurt or make me feel worse in any way, but instead meant to buoy my spirits, and I truly appreciated their love and concern. The problem lied in the fact that I took those well-meant comments and used them as a weapon to make myself feel worse. I was just feeling that low.

    When I finally met with my OB and shared my guilty feelings with her, she said, “WHY? You have one kid, you have one to replace you, you need one to replace your husband. And I only have one kid, so you can have one more to replace my husband.” It made me laugh so much that I was finally able to let go of a lot of that weird guilt.

    ****

    Where was I? Oh yea, temperature charting. On top of all that crazy charting, I dug into the world of Natural Family Planning and learned A LOT. I would rattle off all kinds of fascinating information about my body to my husband and he would graciously bear it all – though I know he was secretly wondering about my sanity. I was charting and managing data in a way that would make my friend Bluz proud.

    Near the end of January, I knew I was coming up on the dreaded day I would most likely find out that we were still not pregnant. I prepared myself as best I could for the result I had received the past 13 months and waited. But I became impatient after things were delayed by a couple of days, so I bought two pregnancy tests.

    I took the first test and waited.

    A very faint positive line came up.

    I fell to my knees in tears and thanksgiving and cried on the bathroom floor for 10 minutes. I finally pulled myself together and went into the bedroom. Through lots of tears I told Mark I was pregnant. He didn’t say much and when I prodded him for a response, he said, “Well you seem upset about it.” I tried to explain to him that I was overwhelmed with JOY, not sadness, as over a year’s worth of fear, anxiety, guilt and hurt came tumbling down on me and then off again. Then he said, “What a relief!”

    He wasn’t convinced that the line was dark enough though, so I took another one and there was no denying the positive result.

    Besides digging into BBT and NFP, nothing had really changed over the course of 13 months. I’m not sure what was different that time around – maybe it was my ability to finally “be still,” or the fact that I was coming to terms with having an only child. I don’t know,  but I was so thankful.

    When I was pregnant with Sarah, I struggled with keeping my hormone levels up, so I went in for blood work as soon as the positive result came up.  Just like with Sarah, my levels are a little low, so I have to be on a supplement, but other than that, my HCG – the baby building hormone – is right on target and baby is growing just like it’s supposed to.

    We kept the news to ourselves until we knew all was well, and then we shared it with our families by putting Sarah in a Big Sister t-shirt and letting her march into the room with all our family members there.  My sister Shannon was the first to notice, but it was a domino effect, and quickly all the members of our family were screaming and crying because they were so excited and know how much we’ve struggled to conceive another baby.

    We are so very happy that baby number two is on its way and due in September!

    But wait, you should probably know this isn’t all to the story either. I’ll ease your mind by telling you that baby is ok and currently just shy of 10 weeks. We’ve since seen its amazing little heart beat and been reassured that there is just ONE baby in there.

    Hi Baby!

    But me? Well my body is having a hard time coping. More on that to come.

    In the mean time, please keep me and our family in your thoughts and prayers.