• Taking Pride In One’s Appearance

    Date: 2010.04.29 | Category: Me, Style | Tags:

    A few months ago I was having a bad day.  It started with a few small things getting under my skin. Then I went to pull out some clothes from my closet, only to have the whole rack holding all my clothes fall to the ground and land in the swirling mists of cat hair.

    Cursing, I grabbed the first thing I saw, put it on and stomped out the door to work.

    Mark, knowing that there was only one way to restore my good mood, spent part of his day at Lowes buying supplies and then installing a new and sturdy clothes rod in the closet.  When I came home, everything was hanging up and back where it should be. I nearly burst into tears I was so happy.

    After a few minutes of watching me admire my new clothes rack, Mark said “Hey, there are a lot of clothes in there I’ve never seen you wear.”

    “Oh, I wear them,” I said, “You just don’t notice.”

    But, after some browsing through my closet, I realized that he is right. I really don’t wear over half the clothes in my closet. I have confined myself to just the front most items which I wear perpetually over and over again.

    Why do I do this? Well, it took me some time to come to grips with this, but I think it’s because of the following:

    1. As much as it pains the very depths of my soul to admit this, some things are too small. There I said it. And as much as I would love things to be otherwise, those items aren’t going to magically start fitting any time soon. And let’s face it, when I finally get my act together and lose weight, they are going to be way out of style. Heck, they already are.
    2. I pen myself in to a certain style. I have cute clothes – dresses, flowy tops, skirts. I don’t wear them. Why? Because I always wear slacks to work. And in some warped part of my brain I think my co-workers will think I’m weird if I suddenly start wearing nice stuff.  Why do I think this? WHY? The same thing extends to going out with friends.
    3. I can’t stand to get rid of perfectly functional clothing, even if it makes me look like a beached whale and was only cute circa 2002.

    Right now, I’m not getting skinnier, and if I keep waiting, then ‘m going to continue to try to squeeze into tight clothes that make me look horrible. The time has come to do a major wardrobe overhaul.

    But when I shop I have this image of myself and it’s hard to shake. I see something cute and I love it, but I don’t try it on. I think, “that’s not me, but it would look so cute on mom or my sisters.” So I walk by the dress and pick up the fitted shirt and pants and head to the check out counter.

    Now don’t get me wrong. At my core I am a “jeans and t-shirt” kind of girl. But most of the days in the week I’m required to dress business casual, and I like that too. But I’m scared to do it!

    I am surrounded by women who dress beautifully all the time – coworkers, sisters, friends, my mom. Women who are curvy, like me, but I never even really thought about them that way until I really took the time to think about it. Why? Because they know how to dress themselves. And other people think these women are beautiful. They gravitate to them in public, saddle up to them at concerts, smile when they talk to them.

    And the crazy thing is, when I take the time to dress myself that way, I have confidence in myself and stop  worrying so much about my weight and my inadequacies.

    So this weekend I feel motivated. Spurred on by the beautiful women around me (ok, and maybe that episode of Glee where Mercedes sang “I am Beautiful”) I am going to clean out my closet. Really clean it out. And I’m going to go shopping and open my eyes a little bit. Freelance has been kind to me and it’s time I am kind to myself. After all, I’m only 25 once.

    So wish me luck. And hopefully, by Monday, I will feel like a new and confident woman.